Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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