dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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