Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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