Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
bring money and cleavage
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
