i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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