roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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