Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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