Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
