I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
