After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
