i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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