17 year olds will be the death of me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
