the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
