also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
