I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
