Soap is not a condiment
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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