I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Bring me that man meat
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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