Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
