i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize