I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
