i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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