I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
