Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
