I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
