i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
