we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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