After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
