I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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