i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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