Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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