you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
