Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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