You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Im part way to drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
