im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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