That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
