Can Purell be used as lube?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
