I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
