I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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