I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
