Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
