You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
