This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
