She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
