....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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