Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
