I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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