"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
do nipples grow back?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
