Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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