when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize