is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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