It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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