Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
