im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
