Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
