Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
