yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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