I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
