I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
