When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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