I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
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I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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