Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
