Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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