I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize