i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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