she kept yelling 'call me bella'
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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