I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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