i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
