Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
