That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
