my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
