I'm lost and stupid without you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
