It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
