yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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