Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You pole danced in your parka.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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