my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
