You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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