apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
