you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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