maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
