Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
